30 Funny Nicknames for Post-Surgery Breasts and Chests

There’s no shortage of pseudonyms for the girls: Twin Peaks, Lady Lumps, Fun Bags, and other increasingly ridiculous euphemisms. But what about women who are no longer au naturel? If natural breasts get a laundry list of aliases, should breast cancer survivors get their own list of tongue-in-cheek names suited to a post-mastectomy or lumpectomy lifestyle?

Perhaps it would be more mature to simply move on, but in an effort to make folks smile, we have elected to not be mature and to list our 30 favorite candidates for new nicknames. We’ve created aliases appropriate for the many breast options a woman has after breast cancer surgery—there’s something for everyone! Our hope is that some of these eye-roll-worthy names will make you smile (or groan) and help you keep a positive attitude. Enjoy!

For Those Who Undergo Lumpectomies:


1. Lump-free lattes

2. Seedless Watermelons

3. Nut-free cinnamon buns

“NEXT” for more nicknames

Katie Taylor started writing in 5th grade and hasn't stopped since. Her favorite place to pen a phrase is in front of her fireplace with a cup of tea, but she's been known to write in parking lots on the backs of old receipts if necessary. She and her husband live cozily in the Pacific Northwest enjoying rainy days and Netflix.
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